WRITING BOOT CAMP - Day 1

In an attempt to rekindle the dying flame of my creative writing, I have resorted to undertaking a 'Writing Boot Camp'. Basically this gives me prompts of which to write from for 2 weeks. Then, maybe, I will have sufficient creative juices flowing to continue writing the long-awaited and -gasp!- mysterious novel co-authored with The Mad Scientist.

Without further ado, here is Day 1:

DAY 1: Breaking Up With Writers Block

 

It's time for you and Writer's Block to part ways. Write a letter breaking up with Writer's Block starting with, "It's not you, it's me...."

 

 

Dear Writer's Block,

‘It’s not you, it’s me….’ Is the not phrase I am going to start off with. ‘Cuz the truth of it is, it is you writer’s block – and, sadly, it always has been.

Sure, we’ve had some good times. I’m not going to pretend like we haven’t. Lazy mornings spent stretched out in bed with our good friend iPad -which, btw, she told me that you have been hitting on her which is so un-cool because she’s not half as good-looking and interesting as I am. Sure, she’s skinny but honestly, she’s flat as a board! Anyways, we’ve had our share of fun. Remember that time we slept in past noon and ate nothing but jelly donuts all day in our pajamas? Those were fun times 

when we had them but now the times are changing. I’m changing too and, frankly, you’re not.

I’ve outgrown you. All you want to do is sit around and do nothing. I want to get out, start a blog, write in my journal, graffiti tag the old hardware store down on 3^rd. But you just won’t let me. You’re holding me back and it’s getting old. Like, really. I need time and space to really learn who I am, to really put things down to paper and somehow write myself back together again. Sure, I’ve been hanging out with pen and paper a lot lately, but they get me in ways that you never have. They understand me and they make me happy. 

To be brutally honest, you haven't showered in days and you kinda stink. Like teenage-wrestling-team-BO-kinda stink. I'm sick of picking up after you and cleaning up all the messes you make. How many Twinkies can you eat in one day? And Cheez-it's? Seriously. I'm still finding cheese puffs behind the couch. We just don't have the undeniable chemistry that we used to share. It's becoming harder and harder to be attracted to you anymore, and I think the passion we once had has gone out. I just don't have the desire to not think anymore- it used to be exhilarating- those sleepless nights spent with you, blissful vacant stares on our faces as we stared at that tiny blinking cursor on Word, blinking monotonously and hypnotically for hours with no thought at all in our minds- that used to be all i wanted. but not anymore. 

What's worse, it's gotten so bad that I've been unfaithful .I’m sorry to have to tell you this way, but my keyboard says it’s the only way you’ll learn. I got creative with PC and keyboard the other day. It was amazing! It felt so liberating, so freeing... I've never felt that way before. And I want more every day. Sometimes twice. 

Honestly, Writer's Block, this is better for both of us. And I hope we can still be friends. 

Wait, scratch that. 

Good riddance, lazy bones.

Sincerely,

Nicole.

P.S. If this letter is for some reason unclear, maybe the sage words from a certain cartoon character will help:

Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU.